Unnoticed absence

Sorry I've been a bit quiet in the last few days, and apologies in advance for this big emotional dump here; it's not something I do often. On Friday night I had a rare argument with my parents - along the lines of: "You spend far too much time on the computer, you should leave it alone for a bit, and what's so good about communicating with all these people who you don't even know, and no, you don't know them and there's no way that you could ever really know someone from the internet because people aren't always who they say they are," etc. *sigh*

Anyway, this argument resulted in my feeling rather angry and upset, and as a result I couldn't concentrate on anything. Revision. Writing a blog entry. Answering Fionnaigh's five questions (above). Finishing an email that I should really have sent a week ago; a task which was made more difficult by the fact that my mail client apparently swallowed up the draft I was writing during one of the times when the computer really crashed (as opposed to just the normal Windows-induced crashing which happens several times a week).

Calming down involved watching Blade Runner, which I found to be the perfect distraction film for me because I find it very involving even though it's so familiar. I could just take a deep breath, relax and sink into it without thinking about anything else. Everything else was wiped from my mind for two hours, and I emerged feeling much calmer and less stressed. But yesterday I still felt unsettled and unable to write things, and I just got frustrated when I tried and it wasn't coming out right.

On the plus side I did get a lot of reading done and have now finished The Changeover, which took longer to read than it should have done because it's a large print copy and, believe me, it's large. Holding it at arm's length wasn't enough; I had to read at a table with it propped up some way away, and every so often I'd lean forward to turn the page. Iona and Fionnaigh were right, it is a marvellous book, and I am eternally grateful to Fionnaigh for sending it to me!

Depending on your point of view it could be a good thing that I can't write properly when I'm stressed since this means that, by and large, you'll only ever get my fluffy-bunnies moods, which make for much more relaxed reading.

Interviews - the fourth round

From Fionnaigh:

1. If you could spend one day in the mind of any other person (past or present) who would you choose?
Wow, that's tempting. So many possibilities! To make the most of it, it would have to be someone rather intelligent with incredible thoughts whizzing about all over the place. I'm not sure whether to go for a more science- or arts-based person thought - Einstein or Escher? Dirac or Déscartes?

Actually, on the whole I think an arts-based person would be a safer bet on the basis that there'd be a fair chance of my understanding their thoughts. Someone whose imagination runs high. I'm not sure exactly who, but someone like Dave McKean.

2. If you could only do one, writing or reading, which would you choose?
By 'writing or reading' I'm going to assume you meant as pastimes - reading books and similar, and writing expressively or creatively - rather than being unable to read a menu or to scribble down a phone number.

I haven't been writing expressively for that long - only three months or so - and haven't yet moved on to writing creatively. Hopefully it'll happen, although I don't have a burning desire to write like that (even though, I admit, lately it does seem to be more of a compulsion) and I have never really thought of myself as a Writer. However, I have always been a Reader, Devourer of Books, and I really can't imagine not being able to read them. I'd be stuck forever with only my imagination and viewpoint, and no one else's.

So, although I'd miss writing, I'd definitely retain the reading.

3. Which has had the most impact on your life - feminism or the internet?
On the surface the answer is very definitely the internet, which has changed my life in all sorts of little ways as well as a few big ones. If you scratch deeper than that, looking back historically, the answer could well be feminism. But I don't know enogh about its history and its direct impacts on me specifically, so I feel that it's the internet which has had the biggest effect on my life. I'd be at such a loss if my internet access mysteriously disappeared one day!

4. What does winter taste like?
Ah, you're trying to get me to be poetic, aren't you? Gosh, this'll be interesting - also bearing in mind that the NZ definition and idea of winter may differ radically from a UK one, which mainly consists of cold (UK definition; sometimes even below freezing point), rain, grey, gloomy, occasional snow promptly followed by slush.

Can I just say that it tastes cold, wet, grey, gloomy and occasionally slushy?

5. Has doing a meme ever changed the way you see the world/life/yourself?
Memes that I have participated in are, I think, limited to: 1) the limerick/haiku meme, 2) the audioblog meme, 3) the installation art meme, 4) the 100 Things meme, and 5) the five questions meme.

#1 reminded me that I don't like writing limericks because the last line always stumps me, and that I can never remember the proper definition of a haiku (other than 5-7-5).

#2 brought to my attention the fact that I'm bad at public speaking, even when the public in question consists solely of a small microphone plugged into my MP3 recorder. And also what an irritating voice I have. It sounds much cooler in my head, honest.

#3 taught me a bit about installation art and that I am perfectly willing to spend a couple of hours writing and carefully arranging a blog entry merely for a cheap gimmick.

#4 took me a long time to write, and I found it quite illuminating in places. And I just remembered a couple of days ago my exceptionally minor claim to fame that I forgot to include in the list - the building used for Elliot Carver's party near the beginning of Tomorrow Never Dies is the very building in which I did my one week of work experience for IBM two years ago. As minor claims to fame go, I think that one is so minor that you could insert a very good metaphor here to do with instruments playing in the wrong key, if only you had the time and the inclination to think of one.

#5 - this - has been interesting, and I've discovered that in some ways it's easier to answer serious questions than the hypothetical ones. And it's quite time-consuming as well!

But I don't think any of these have fundamentally changed my outlook on life or my view of myself - obviously people weren't asking the right questions...