The true purpose of blogs

We all know that the true purpose of blogs is to post cat photos.

Flickr seems to have realised it too.

Update:If it's not obvious, Flickr had rigged their "Interesting" page to show only cat photos. I initially thought it was a mass campaign by some of the cat groups before I realised what the date was :-)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Tortoises

Last night, Kevin and I started discussing a topic that seemed fairly trivial and uncontroversial. Unfortunately, a stray observation that I made caused this innocent discussion to quickly spiral into a contentious debate. Half an hour later, and after midnight, we were still arguing, each adamantly refusing to admit that the other one could be right.

The topic at hand? The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Oh yes.

For my part, I don't remember too much about the cartoon since it was more aimed at my (older) brother's demographic than mine, and also my mum thought it was yet more "silly American rubbish" (a category which apparently includes everything from The Simpsons to Buffy). However, there was something that stood out in my imperfect recollections of the show...

Cathy

Wait a minute... they're not turtles, they're tortoises!

Kevin

*incredulous look*

Cathy

They have hands!

Kevin

*still incredulous* But they can't be tortoises! They're the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for goodness' sakes!

Cathy

But they have hands! And limbs! Which resemble a tortoise's limbs far more than the flippers that turtles have...

Kevin

*singing* "Heros in a half-shell — turtle power!"

Cathy

They are so not turtles.

Kevin

*splutters* So how do you explain the fact that they're called turtles, in the show title, in the theme tune, and by everyone who knows them?

Cathy

They're obviously passing themselves off as turtles; probably some kind of snobbish thing. No one wants to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Tortoise!

Kevin

A snob thing?

Cathy

My old school's name is St George's College, Weybridge. This despite they fact that they're actually in Addlestone, albeit on one Weybridge Road (at the other end of which is actually Weybridge). Weybridge is a better location than Addlestone, so they gave themselves that name instead. Same thing.

Kevin

But the rat-master-sensei-thingy who gave them their names and raised them said they were turtles, and he was wise.

Cathy

He was probably in on the turtle conspiracy too.

Kevin

They were turtles!

Cathy

So where are their flippers?

Kevin

They're mutant turtles! Their flippers obviously mutated into hands following the radiation exposure. Anyway, tortoises don't have opposable thumbs either.

Cathy

I don't buy it. It's too convenient. I could accept mutation from a tortoise leg/claw into an arm with a hand. But getting rid of a full set of flippers and being left with limbs that don't resemble flippers at all...

Kevin

You're crazy.

Cathy

And that's another thing. Didn't they live on dry land?

Kevin

They lived in the sewers.

Cathy

Yeah, but not in the water — if they were proper turtles they'd have lived in the sewer water rather than on the dry bit next to the water.

Kevin

Turtles don't live underwater the whole time. Besides, I remember they sometimes dived into the water to rescue people.

Cathy

So? People dive into water sometimes; it doesn't mean they're amphibious.

Kevin

Ever seen a tortoise dive into the water, have you?

Cathy

Well... that was probably the mutant effect, like you said.

Kevin

Oh, I see! Accept the "mutant" argument only when it suits you!

Cathy

I find it much more plausible that the mutation effect which transformed these tortoises into six foot man-like creatures also gave them swimming ability, rather than that they had flippers which spontaneously turned into limbs, hands and feet.

Kevin

Look, they're turtles. I remember the beginning of the film and the cartoon, where they showed how they were originally baby turtles who got flushed down the toilet into the sewers or something, fell onto radioactive waste and turned into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Cathy

Hmm. You saw the flippers?

Kevin

Yes!

Cathy

I remain sceptical.

Kevin:

Of course they were turtles! They couldn't have flushed tortoises down the toilet; it would have been too cruel.

Cathy

Whereas turtles, okay, no problem? Kids don't necessarily distinguish between swimming pets and non-swimming pets before they flush them down the toilet.

Kevin

What kind of sick programs have you been watching?

Cathy

... They were so not turtles.

Kevin

They were!!

Kevin

(sometime later...) If your "snob" theory is correct, wouldn't it have been better for them to have initially accepted less credibility as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Tortoises and then proved themselves, rather than to have pimped up the turtles and risk being exposed as frauds?

Cathy

Well then, maybe it's all down to the rat-guy. He made them believe they were turtles!

Unfortunately, none of my internet research has backed me up so far. The only references to our heroes being tortoises are generally by people who can't remember the show's title.

However — further research indicated that in America there is generally some confusion as to the difference between turtles and tortoises, exacerbated by the fact that "turtle" can be used to describe both turtles and tortoises. (And terrapins.)

So I maintain that the teenage mutant ninjas are in fact tortoises. It's just that the show's creators used the wrong word.

Hah! Take that, internet!

Summer snow

I spent the winter thankful for the mild weather. Handy, when you're spending about an hour a day waiting for a bus.

I spent the spring despairing of the sporadic snow flurries that swept in every few weeks, just when I'd convinced myself that this time was the last, and we'd be pushing into proper warm weather Real Soon Now.

The snow carried on into early March, taunting me, dashing my hopes. And then relented almost as soon as term ended. (We've had a lot of rain instead, since then.)

And then today, in April of a mild-weathered year, we had yet another snowfall. Which, with me being indoors, didn't affect me too much, but gave me an excuse for uploading to Flickr my photos from the heavy snow we had in February.

I've actually started sorting out some of my 1500 or so photos taken since I got my new camera at Christmas, which has led to a slight influx in Flickr uploadings in the past few days (starting from here and progressing through April, should you be interested. Far fewer than 1500 made it though, you'll be glad to hear).

In a suburban jungle

The famous wild parakeets of Walton-on-Thames Weybridge Esher apparently most of Surrey.

• Surrey parakeets on Flickr
• Invading parakeets warm to wilds of suburbia
• Wild parrots settle in suburbs
• British Garden Birds – Ring-Necked Parakeet

Recipe: Parma-wrapped Chicken

Serves

4 people. (To alter recipe for more or fewer people, you are advised to employ your multiplication, division and/or fractions skills. Use of a calculator is not permitted.)

Ingredients

• 4 chicken breasts
• 100g full fat soft cheese, flavoured with herbs and garlic (I use Port Salut and mash some herbs into it beforehand)
• 8 slices Parma ham (prosciutto) (we've done this recipe a number of times, and have only ever once used prosciutto. Bacon works just as well, or better. (We tried ordinary ham once; my advice is not to.) ASDA Extra Special Applewood Smoked bacon – 5mm thick – works wonders.)
• 150ml red wine
• 150ml chicken stock
• 1 tbsp brown sugar

Preparation

1. Make a horizontal slit along the length of each chicken breast to form a pocket in which the cheese can sit. (It may help at this stage if the chicken is fully defrosted.) Try not to cut right through to the other side, else the cheese is likely to leak out when it comes to the cooking part.
2. Beat the cheese with a wooden spoon to soften it a little, and spoon it into the pockets of the chicken.
3. Wrap 2 slices of the prosciutto or prosciutto-substitute around each chicken breast, and secure in places with a length of string. (Note: if you are in the middle of this recipe and suddenly realise you don't have any cooking string, I'd advise unminted dental floss over blue string. Stop sniggering.)
4. Pour the wine and chicken stock into a frying pan and bring to the boil. Add the sugar when it's just starting to boil. The mixture may turn a disturbing shade of purple; do not be alarmed.
5. Throw in the chicken breasts and leave simmering for 12-15 minutes or until cooked.
6. Remove the chicken from the pan and keep it warm while reducing the sauce. Cut off the string from the chicken (this is a rather annoying step to forget) and transfer it (the chicken, not the string) onto plates. (Our book says "cut into slices", but I prefer to keep the heat in.)
7. Pour the sauce over the chicken and serve with vegetables of choice. Sauteéd potatoes go rather well.
8. Relax, sit down, and eat. Feel like a master chef.

What to do if you receive a Maltesers Easter egg

Step 1: Begin with a complete chocolate egg.

Step 2: Remove the top inch or so, either with teeth or with an implement of your choice.

Step 3: Take the Maltesers out of their packets. Combine the two lots, milk chocolate mixing with white as if in a great big melting pot. Without the heat though, which would of course melt the chocolate.

Step 4: You know what to do.